Mustang Island State Park

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"you can't be your best self until you find your tribe."

i have never felt more a part of something in my life than i have with this group of people. i have never felt more care come from people than i have with this group. i have never felt more concern come from people than i have with this group. i have never felt more enthusiasm come from people than i have with this group. i have never felt more love come from people than i have with this group. 

these folks took me in when i needed it the most and they didn't even know it. no questions. people who were genuinely interested in what i had to say, and more importantly what i didn't have to say. people who would sacrifice their own time to make sure i was having a good time.

people who would bear their souls to me with no expectation that i would do the same (even though i did). people who are always ready to have a good time, but understand the importance of embracing sorrow and heartache when it comes around. people who are nothing but sincere with their words and actions, sincere, so sincere. 

i have found my tribe in these people; and everyday they help me become my best self. 

*shot with the help of lauren simpson (click for portfolio)*

Bastrop & Corpus Christi

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"....no longer by the circumstances themselves, but my mandate to assess them." marina keegan

trying to write about this weekend had me crossing out line after line in my notebook. trying to articulate how this weekend was refreshing, how time alone, how time with old friends, how time with a new friend, all converged to make for a weekend the was hectic but also the most relaxing i've had in a while. so that is all, and i need to remind myself that sometimes that is all there has to be. 

Camp Cookery - Trout with Squash and Zucchini

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trout with squash and zucchini

3 small trout (one and a half pounds total)

salt

pepper

1 lemon

.25 ounces fresh dill sprigs

1 zucchini

1 yellow squash

non-stick cooking spray

grill basket

for the first installment of camp cookery i chose something very easy and straight forward. things would be a little bit more involved if these were fish i caught, but i opted to stop by the local seafood market on the way out of town as to not risk ending up with no dinner.

luckily these trout were already butterflied making this whole meal very simple. 

basically the only prep work was slicing the lemon and vegetables. 

season the inside of the trout with salt and pepper, then place the sliced lemon and dill sprigs inside.

generously spray the grill basket with a non-stick cooking spray and then throw that thing in the campfire.

for cooking i had the fire burned down to coals on one side and still putting out a flame on the far side of the ring.

cooked eight minutes on each side over the coals then moved it over to the flame for about a minute on each side to crisp up the skin a bit. 

and that's it!

lessons learned: next time i would definitely wrap the zucchini and squash in foil before putting it in the grill basket. cooking it on the open fire left portions of it way too dry.

Field Trip - Pedernales Falls

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every morning on my way to work i crest a hill by my house, the skyline peaks its head out at me, glowing in the light of the freshly risen sun. i'm filled with an overwhelming sense that everything is going to be GOOD. i'd rather be going somewhere other than work, but seeing a sleepy city just waking up reminds me that we're all in this together. we all struggle, we all triumph, most of us stuck in a line of traffic probably wish we were doing something else. but we are all here and we're all part of it.

 

i was speaking about this with my friend lauren, she mentioned how familiar that feeling was. how she takes a look in her rearview mirror on the way to work to glance at the sun rising behind the city, "i think that's a little daily reminder that life is bigger than us and that work and heartbreak and hard times are temporary."

 

temporary. temporary. temporary. 

"if you have an emotion, especially negative, FEEL IT, wholly and as painfully as you can. embrace it. if you're sad. BE SAD. and then, let it go. breathe and release it back into where it belongs; not inside of you"

as lauren said above, even though those feelings are temporary that doesn't mean we can't take something beautiful away from them, even if it hurts in the moment. because at the end of the day, it is just that, the end of the day. tomorrow is a new one, a new chance to feel how ever we'd like to feel. 

New Mexico - Day Two

day two of new mexico was spent with my dear sarah rose. she had recommended ruidoso. she found an amazing place for us to stay. we had a few hauntingly beautiful hours on the banks of a mountainside lake, covered with thick fog and drizzle. but i couldn't shake the feeling that soon the day would be gone and we wouldn't be together for another month. i let these thoughts get the best of me, and looking back they got in the way of what could have been a magical few hours together.

as i have learned many times in my life, it is very important to embrace the time you have with someone, no matter how long or short that may be. death, divorce, moving and distance have all taken away people i once loved. it's in my nature to enjoy what ever i'm doing and whom ever i'm with in any given moment, i can honestly say i failed at my own teachings on this day. once something comes to an end there are always those thoughts of could have, should have, would have. did i say the right things? did i say the wrong things? did i let thoughts of the future get in the way of taking as much as i could from a given occasion? but as they say hindsight is twenty twenty.

New Mexico - Day One

the beauty of solitude.

it's been a long time since i've had hours on end to myself. this summer has been a perpetual state of activity; work, play and travel has all been done with the company of others. 

this past weekend i made a solo drive all the way to ruidoso, new mexico, nine and half hours each way. i was meeting sarah rose late saturday night, but the day was mine and i planned to spend it alone in the lincoln national forest. 

leading up to the trip i was talking to my friend about how excited i was to have some time alone. cut to saturday morning text messages; 
"lauren, i don't remember the last time i was alone, it feels weird." 
to which she responds,
"why do we feel the need to tell ourselves that we're okay when we're alone". "its like if we're alone the stigma behind that is that there is something wrong with us, when in all actuality the people who can be alone are always the best people"
thoughts were racing through my mind as quickly as the mile markers on the side of the highway. musings on the past, present and future; deep and grandiose thoughts, with no one to share them with. 

finally, after hours alone in the woods of the sierra blanca mountain range i was feeling pretty good about my time . it wasn't that my endless pondering had subsided, but i had realized something i learned in a previous life, things do not have to be all right one hundred percent of the time. as an overly optimistic person sometimes that is a hard concept for me to grasp. 

lauren left me with this little bit of gold on solitude, but can actually be said for almost anything that that is new or foreign to us, "it's like cold water. you jump in, it's a shock, you hang out for a bit and before you know it you're swimming along and enjoying it." 

Colorado - Mt. Evans & Boulder

we, as people, make time for what is important to us. if it is something we truly want, we will find a way to make it come to fruition. a question i'm often asked is "how do you get to travel all the time, i would love to be able to do that." the truth is i have a standard nine to five job. everything you see on here is done within those confines. weekends, holidays and vacation time are when all of my traveling is done. an aim of mine with america y'all has always been to show folks that all you need is a weekend to get out there and experience something new. 

this past weekend was no different, when my friends mentioned wanting to get out of austin i quickly shouted "denver!" a crazy notion and a very long drive, but miss sarah rose and the mountains were already calling my name again.

i feel as though i learned at a fairly young age that our time here is limited, and we only have this very short period to make it count for something. this fire can lend itself to some wild ideas, but at the end of the day i can handle that, i could not handle living with a "what if".

i've never brought this up here before, or even much in my personal life for that matter, but at the age of sixteen my father passed away. i tend not to mention it because it elicits sympathy from people. words of sorrow, and although they are very thoughtful, they are not needed. that single event shaped my life in such a positive way that at this point, as callous as it sounds, i don't think i would have it any other way.

it's pushed me to become who i am today, hopping in a car with a couple of friends and driving thirty hours just to be in a place for forty eight, diving head first into friendships and relationships because that is what my heart is telling me to do, and striving to see and do as much as i can while i still can. 

a friend mentioned wanting to go write on one of those "before i die i want to.." chalkboards yesterday, and i struggled all day trying to come up with something i wanted, or even a place i wanted to go. but as i watched her scrawl words in the dark i think she captured what i want to do before i die perfectly, "live genuinely" "live lovingly" "live passionately"