New Mexico, Arizona & Utah

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people change your views, and the view.

my friend jake and i recently embarked on what would end up being a five thousand mile road trip through the starry nights and sun soaked country of the great american west. the initial leg had us gazing upon the glaring white sands of new mexico, the forever breathtaking grand canyon, and towering sandstone behemoths in utah. all places i've been to before, but i was seeing them with completely different eyes. 

through the first few days of the road trip i found myself just as excited to see the enjoyment on the face of a friend as i was to be surrounded by the captivating landscape. 

the more i travel, the more i talk to new folks and old friends, the more i experience; i've found that even from day to day my perspective on life, love, and happiness can change immensely depending on those who i surround myself with...if i let it.

new mexico arizona utah lake powell arches motorcycle america yall americayall pawlowski camp camping 11

and that's the hardest part, abandoning old habits and thoughts, and embracing the new. i've been learning this past year that letting others impact you is the best way to grow.

i am not the same person i was yesterday, and tomorrow i will not be the person i was today. to be young is to continually change, adapt and learn, and that is something i hope i never lose. 

the biggest reminder of this for me was early on in the road trip. as i watched jake ride his motorcycle through monument valley, hands off the bar, arms spread wide in the wind, i thought of how this image would be burned into my memory forever and how it signified just how much has changed in my life.

he jumped off the bike and said "you've got to ride, this is one of the best days of my life." so i hopped on the motorcycle and rode in to the distance. traveling down the road, two wheels turning as fast as they could underneath me, passing by those iconic john wayne backdrops, i couldn't help but scream at the top of my lungs out of pure happiness and think of the quote "i am not done with the wild songs of youth."

Glacier National Park, Montana

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what a ride the past few weeks have been; a month full of transition and growth. 

sometimes it is easy to create a narrative in your head. positive, negative, true or false; it is all too simple and something that i often do, especially when the one i want to spend my time with is two thousand miles away. lost in my mind; as the saying goes. it's the struggle of relying on words rather than physical presence. creating stories that fly right in the face of what i know to be good and true.

spending the weekend next to someone who is chasing her dream reminded me of something my kid sister said a while back. a person who i respect and look up to for her ability to follow her heart, her instinct, and her will to create a story that she can gaze back on years from now without any regrets.

"and then there is the most dangerous risk of all, the risk of spending your life not doing what you want on the bet you can buy yourself the freedom to do it later." 

surrounded by the surreal beauty of glacier national park, i realized i had been forgetting the notion that we all have to seize every opportunity that comes our way in order to create a story we can be proud of. 

i had been inadvertently hindering the growth of someone who has a piece of my heart because i wanted my story to go another way. neglecting the fact that a better version of anyone i care about will inevitably make me a better man. 

i left montana overflowing with insight, happiness, new friends, and a feeling of thankfulness for the gracious and guiding hand of another. 

west texas

a thousand mile weekend, all alone, i haven't had one of those since late january. a thousand miles to sing as loud as i want. a thousand miles to pull over anytime something catches my eye. a thousand miles to tell piper how good a dog i think she is. a thousand miles to think. a thousand miles to not think about anything at all. and as my friend would say, a thousand miles to "find what feels good." 

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i was recently asked why i travel. my answer; i enjoy change, i enjoy a challenge, i enjoy being out of my comfort zone. when things get static i'm left with this unfulfilled heart, aching to learn, aching to do. routine breeds boredom, and weekends spent on the road are anything but a routine. even if it's a place i've been before there is always a new aspect or obstacle involved when traveling. 

another reason is the fact that i like being a little scared or unsure of myself, growth comes from being uncomfortable. i like that i slept in the dusty dirt parking lot of an old adobe chapel out in west texas, waking to a blood-hued sunrise illuminating the vast landscape that surrounded me; watching piper chase jack rabbits in the distance as i sipped my coffee. i like that i had to use what little spanish i remember from high school to ask a family to watch my dog while i quickly dove into the worlds largest spring fed pool. i like that i drove all the way to marfa only to kick around town for fifteen minutes before deciding to drive another four hours to camp on the water in del rio.  

a wrote a few weeks back about the struggle to be present in what i'm doing, this weekend was it, i was present right where the rubber of my soles or my tires touched the ground. 

cedar creek reservoir

a weekend spent on a pristine texas lake; boats, beers, fishing and friends. the most fun someone could possibly have, at least that's what i kept telling myself.

and i did enjoy myself; staying up all night surrounded by good people and the most gracious hosts, but my head was somewhere else. my head was in montana. 

as i opted out of most of the fun and festivities that were happening my last night on the lake, my friend and i floated in the darkness of the still water for what seemed like hours. sharing stories of fear and hopefulness, thoughts pouring out he spoke to me about his past experiences and his excitement for me. how this summer is a time for growth, as an individual and as a couple. how things are different and hard and sometimes even heartbreaking when you are apart from someone you deeply care for, but in the end if you spend your time wisely things can end up even better.

i tend to put a lot of weight into words; a song lyric, a sentence from a book, a quote, a remark uttered by someone around me. my whole mindset can be influenced by a powerful line. with the sound of laughter, beers crackin' and questionable country music in the background my friend said to me "the worst thing you can do is sit around just passing the days." that was the line i need to hear because it was exactly what i was doing. 

i actually had to go back and ask him more about what he meant because initially that line can come off as harsh and selfish. "learning how to be present in two places" he said. figuring out how to let someone have a piece of your heart and always keeping them in mind while still enjoying who you're with, where you are, and what you're doing. 

a balancing act; but something i know i can do.

his words actually made me think of two of the most powerful lines i've ever heard in a song. so i'll leave you with those.

"one of these days when you're all alone you're gonna wish your grass would grow"

"one of these days with your eyes wide open you're gonna see your coffin closing."

camp cookery - cioppino

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  1. shrimp - 1 pound 
  2. clams - 1 pound 
  3. mussels - 1 1/2 pounds  
  4. cod - 1 pound 
  5. tilapia - 1 pound 
  6. onion
  7. garlic cloves - 4
  8. tomato - 2
  9. tomato puree - 32oz
  10. lobster stock - 16oz
  11. white wine - 2 cups
  12. chili powder, oregano, parsley to taste
  13. loaf of bread for dipping

another simple one pot meal for the beach, with all the wind blowing around this is still the easiest way for me to cook without ending up crunching on a mouthful of sand along with my dinner.

we started by putting a healthy coat of olive oil in the bottom of the cast iron dutch oven. while the oil was heating up we chopped the tomatoes and onion. 

when the oil heats up throw the onion, garlic and tomatoes in and let them saute for five minutes. after the onions start to brown add in the tomato puree, white wine and lobster stock. 

cover the dutch oven and let everything simmer for ten minutes. take this time to cut up your fish into cubes or strips. 

after the wine and tomato puree have had a chance to simmer for a bit add your fish in the mix, cover, and let cook for five minutes.

next up throw in the shrimp, clams, mussels, and spices. let cook for another seven to nine minutes. 

that's it! put it in a bowl and be sure to discard any mussels and clams that didn't open during the cooking process.

Montana

montana was like a postcard; towering pines, mountains, rivers, and snow capped peaks in the distance. highways, backroads, dusty dirt roads; we spent hours driving around in awe of the landscape. we wandered with no particular plan; coffee, food, friendly folks, it all just seemed to fall into place throughout the weekend. 

sometimes i can't help but look around and wonder "how in the hell did i get here." my friend kristen described these as "cinematic moments" (read her post here). to me these are moments where i just have to take a step back to fully realize where i am, who i'm with, what i'm doing, and just how damn good it all is.

i seem to be having a lot of these moments lately. 

i'd like to think i'm not actively searching for them, and that they just manifest because of the people and places i choose to surround myself with. another facet to experiencing these moments comes from the fact that i try to go into things with no expectation of how they'll turn out, easier said than done sometimes, but for the most part i hold true to this. i had no idea what the weekend was going to hold, and i liked that. 

so when i'm in a new state, with a texas rose, surrounded by hundreds of smiling strangers dancing along to the plucking of a steel guitar; i couldn't help but feel one of those cinematic moments wash over me. kristen summed up the feeling best with this line, "these are moments that make you feel alive."